The most Atlanta-centric moments from Thursday night’s Conan on TBS, shooting episodes this week at the Tabernacle downtown:
Best monologue jokes: Opening the show: “I can’t believe it’s our last night in Atlanta. Trust me, I’d love to stay, but the strippers at the Clermont Lounge have a restraining order against the band.”
On his Atlanta-fueled food coma: “I’m leaving Atlanta with many new friends, some great memories and Type 2 diabetes.”
On the winning streak at Turner Field: “The Braves have won every game since I’ve been here. Not only that, but before I got here? The Braves hadn’t won a game since October.”
On Chipper Jones: “The Atlanta Braves are playing their first season in 19 years without third baseman Chipper Jones. But don’t you worry, he’ll still be getting to third base tonight.”
Taped piece: Conan visits Cindy Haygood, of Perfectly Polished, Inc. to learn proper Southern etiquette. On hand shakes, Haygood advises against the lengthier “milkshake” greeting in favor of a “two pumps and down” approach. “You’ve just described my wedding night,” says Conan. Summarizes Haygood on Conan’s chances for successful socializing in the South: “I would say that you are close to being charm-free.”
Best cameo by a “non-‘roided up” home run king: Hammerin’ Hank Aaron who showed up to deliver the Georgia Citizenship Test to Conan. Bowing to the legendary Atlanta Brave, Conan told his audience: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is extra special because on this date in 1974, this man tied Babe Ruth with his 714th home run.” Sample questions as read by sidekick Andy Richter: “IHOP or Waffle House.” Conan: “Waffle House.” Question: “Denny’s or Cracker Barrel?” Conan: “Cracker Barrel.” Question: “Cracker Barrel or Waffle House?” Conan: “How drunk am I?” Richter: “Super drunk.” Conan: “Waffle House.”
Celebrity Guest: NBA on TNT and NCAA Final Four analyst Charles Barkley who joined broadcasting legend Dick Vitale to do play by play during the “NCAA Weird Dunking Mascots” competition. The hands on favorite? The Westin Peachtree Plaza with erectile dysfunction.
