“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” Episode 307: “She Can Dance?” recap
So your materialistic super model girlfriend has been waiting three long years for you to put a ring on it. How do you pop the question?
If you’re Cynthia‘s man Peter, you inexplicably ask NeNe and 40 of your closest friends to plan a surprise proposal party complete with cheesy cliches like rose petals.
Complains Cynthia: “I took my eyelashes off in the car! I thought it would be a really intimate moment just between us.”
Here’s a hint, Cyn. Then don’t sign up to be on a brain cell torturing reality show.
Explains Peter of his decision to turn his marriage proposal into a surprise party: “Even though she hated it, I wanted it done my way.”
Yes, Peter is ready for marriage. And a guest spot on “Divorce Court.”
Over at Phaedra‘s McMansion, the mom-to-be is packing for her impending trip to the hospital. Or as she explains it: “This baby is ready to climb out of my vagina” (she may be in for quite a surprise at the hospital. . .).
While she hasn’t bothered to research formula for the baby, Phaedra has selected a series of fierce designer outfits to wear to and home from the hospital.
Explains the Atlanta Super Lawyer: “This is why I hired [assistant] LaToya. She can figure out this penis ointment and formula stuff so I can just spend my time buying cute clothes and spoiling myself.”
Hopefully, the kid’s first stop after climbing out of her vagina? Climbing to an attorney and getting that emancipation paperwork going.
Sheree, meanwhile, is prepping to participate as a celebrity dancer for the “Dancing Stars of Atlanta” benefit held last spring at Puritan Mill downtown. Sort of.
Sniffs Sheree: “If they wanted me to wear my dress to the dress rehearsal, they should have told me.”
Her dancing instructor and partner is Derrick Walters from Daza Dance Ballroom Academy in Johns Creek. After weeks of attempting to glide his graceless partner around the dance floor and then being mercilessly hit on by Sheree’s hairstylist/songstress Lawrence, Walters finally lets loose and exclaims: “Gracious.” Hopefully, the Nobel committee is tuned in.
At the event, Kim goes into cougar mode, checking out the dance moves and body parts belonging to 25-year-old Atlanta Falcon defensive end Kroy Biermann.
Or as Kim more artfully articulates it: “I’ve never seen an ass on a white boy like that. You could bounce a quarter off it.”
Kim is equally graphic when she’s actually introduced to Biermann backstage. Apparently, Kroy is into acrylic wigs. He and Kim trade digits.
Meanwhile, after fronting with Aston Martin autos, Moet champagne, designer wedding dresses and monied maternity outfits for the past hour, the ladies dig deep into their purses to help Sheree achieve her fundraising goal of 5,000 while sitting at the $1500 table she bought for them.
“I’ve got $20!” NeNe exclaims.
Chastises Kandi: “They were being really cheap. If I go to a fundraiser, I spend $500 to $1000 at least.”
Coming next week: NeNe scores a job as a corespondent for the Atlanta NBC affiliate 11 Alive news. Advises anchor Karyn Greer to NeNe in the promo: “You just need to prove yourself and not come in with airs.”
Our advice to Greer? Turn off PBS and get schooled on your sister station’s reeeally trashy reality programming over on Bravo. . .