Just when you think these ladies can’t get any trashier, they go and have a super-sized blow-up Downtown … but we’ll get to that.
We start first with Sheree and her friend Tania, who also, according to Sheree, “dates pro athletes.” They’re out to dinner at Atlantic Station’s Rosa Mexicano, whose guacamole Kim denigrated last season but Sheree and Tania seemed to like just fine. They’re rehashing the fight with Anthony the party planner, which I deem just another ploy to re-air the footage—and, okay, I enjoyed again seeing Sheree’s head swivel as she uttered that now immortal line, “Who gonna check me, boo?” Sheree informs Tania that she’s scaling down her party now, something with just a few friends. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact she was getting the party for free and now it’s on her own dime?
Lisa and Ed actually take a moment to acknowledge the state of the economy by saying that they’re going to have to make more affordable Wu-Girls jewelry and look for “deals” for their real estate business. Even if these are not exactly the types of sacrifices the rest of the country is having to make, I forgive them because their child, E.J., gurgles like an angel. If angels gurgled.
Onward: NeNe sets up a tete a tete with her, Sheree, and Kim, while Kim has her friend, fashion designer Dean Pardue, work on a dress with her. He brings her a one-shouldered look, bless him, because I’m assuming that’s what it takes to keep the “girls” hoisted, but alas—Dean, oh Dean … here comes his strapless bustier dress and we almost have a Nipple-gate on our hands. Kim then informs us she would “shovel sh-t for Dolce & Gabbana.”
Kandi’s first segment is a meta moment, as she spends the whole time reading and fretting over blogs about herself and her fiancé, A.J. Sheree and Tania go to the shooting range, a time at which we find out a little more about the beautiful and apparently badass Tania—she served in the Army for three years, is a Desert Storm vet, and knows how to handle a gun: “Love on it, baby,” she says, as she puts the gun in Sheree’s hand. This is also a time at which Sheree found it necessary to wear skintight leather pants to shoot guns, like she’s some crime-fighting Catwoman already.
NeNe and Kim meet to work out their differences, but they don’t really address any said differences but Kim still ends up sitting on NeNe’s lap. So all is well … for the moment. “You never had a nose job?” Kim asks NeNe. “No, that was Sheree.” NeNe goes home and describes the evening to her husband, Gregg. Ever the man of wisdom, Gregg says, “Let it go, hun.”
Kandi’s at the salon getting advice from her stylist, which seems to be a Housewives theme. She’s going to her mom’s house, and she’s worried about what her mom will say about A.J., whom her mom does not want her to marry. Sure enough, her mom, Joyce, disses A.J., saying, “Can you imagine having to deal with four babies mamas?” (A.J. has six kids from previous relationships.) But Kandi’s aunts, Nora and Bertha, have Kandi’s back. Kandi later works out her emotions in the studio with Jazze Pha, preparing a pretty catchy song for her new solo album.
Lisa and Ed go to the Alpharetta Women’s Specialists for a fertility consultation. Ed isn’t worried—“I talked to my soldiers, and they’re ready to go to war.” Later, Lisa meets up with NeNe at Sia’s and they discuss Kim’s three personalities: “Kim, Kimberleigh, and Keena.” Fast-forward to baby-making time at the Hartwell household: Ed has pulled out all the stops, lighting candles, cooking a dinner of spring salad and Chilean sea bass, sprinkling rose petals, giving Lisa a massage, then swimming with her in their ginormous, bubble-filled tub.
And here we go: Kim, Sheree, and NeNe meet up at FAB (French American Brasserie) downtown to “hash things out.” Kim is so nervous she brings a bike helmet to protect herself, but she’s the one on the attack after Sheree accuses her of lying. Everyone’s yelling, f-bombs are flying, and the poor diners and wait staff of FAB are edging out of their seats and craning their necks to get a good look at the train wreck. [Sidenote: THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE. If you see it happen, call me. I’m pretty sure a manager would have intervened in this distasteful moment if it were anyone else.] Finally, the hair that breaks the camel’s back: Sheree calls Kim “trailer trash,” and Kim storms out. Sheree gets up as well, “I’m going to go kick her ass!” And kids, tune in next week for the rest.
ROTTEN –> RIPE
Kim: I had high hopes that you would calm down in time for episode two, but no such luck. I’m no prude, but your dropping a gratuitous number of f-bombs in public, in a nice restaurant, has got to be one of your most classless moments yet. And if you haven’t noticed, in a way you are shoveling your own brand of sh-t to be able to pay for that D&G.
Sheree: We don’t feel sorry that your party, complete with helicopter, is looking like it’s going to be scrapped. And to call Kim “trailer trash” is an affront to anyone living in a trailer. Maybe “sh-t shoveler” would be better?
NeNe: You had “good” intentions, I suppose, trying to get everyone to work out their differences. But “good” is in quotation marks because I have an inkling that at least a small, mischievous part of you was hoping there would be fireworks at the tete a tete.
Lisa: Even though your scenes with E.J. and Ed were once more heartwarming, you definitely created a moment with NeNe at Sia’s where your words will come back to haunt you—that is, if you even care what Kim thinks anymore, and I’m guessing you don’t.
Kandi: You win again for showing real emotion and heart as you spoke with your mother about A.J., proving that you can provide drama on a reality show without resorting to public blow-ups. You were also shown—gasp!—working, which is rare on Housewives.
Other pretty peaches:
Ed: He really went all out to woo Lisa Wu into the bedroom, complete with a several course meal. Anyone else would be jealous, but my husband is an awesome cook, too, so there.
Tania: You’re a pretty Army vet who seems interesting—can you just step in as the next Housewife? Points off, though, for encouraging Sheree to get a firearm; there’s nothing wrong with arming yourself, of course, but as we see later in the episode, I don’t know if Sheree being locked and loaded is the best idea.
Kandi’s aunts: For sticking up for Kandi—that’s what family’s for.
Gregg: You are like the completely sane anchor tethering helium-filled NeNe to reality—keep it up, and Godspeed.
The pits:
Kandi’s mom: You obviously have the best intentions, but no one puts Kandi in the corner (crying)!
What do you think? Do you agree with my assessments? Who was your favorite (or least favorite) from last night? Catch up on all of our Housewives coverage here, and enjoy this preview of next week’s Sheree/Kim/NeNe fight:
