Honestly, I jumped into this
week’s episode a little late—I was detained watching the terrific 1972 B-horror
movie The Thing with Two Heads at a
friend’s house. Needless to say, somehow the Housewives manage to come across as
more monstrous than a two-headed man in this edition of the Real Housewives
I’m not sure what I missed exactly (feel free to fill me in,
in the comments below), but the first scene I see is Kim at her hairstylist’s
salon, saying something about having “to maintain it like it’s hair on your
head,” so I’m guessing she was referring to her wig? Weave? Whatever. Brielle
calls: The nanny has left her alone to go to the store to pick up some tampons.
Color Kim incensed. Of course, considering how last week she asked god to
strike down her two children dead should it be discovered she was lying, I’m
not sure Kim’s concern for her daughters comes across as particularly authentic
Later, though, I do enjoy seeing Kim interact with Brielle
and Ariana at home. Someone should grab Kim by the shoulders, look her in the
eyes, and say, “Honey—you look better with less makeup.” I was impressed she let us see her without her usual layer of
pancake and mascara. What was not as charming: The black and white T&A
shots of a nude Kim hung up on the wall of her townhome. Visions of Brielle’s and Ariana’s future therapy bills ran through my head.
Kandi is at a photography studio getting some portraits done
of her and her family, including her mother, Joyce, fiancé, A.J., and daughter,
Riley. Mama’s not happy about having to pose with A.J. and decides not to; she
leaves rather than appear “phony.” It was cute when Kandi tempted Riley to
behave with the promise of a new Webkinz. This is a normal, little girl
request; unlike, say, the ridiculous Louis Vuitton handbag Brielle got last
The main crux of the show was a get-together at the King Tut
exhibit at the Atlanta Civic Center. The gist: No one talks to Kim save Kandi,
who has never met Kim before and is trying to withhold judgment despite what
she’s heard. And guess what? They get along! Sheree and Lisa meanwhile are
laughing at them behind their backs, which leads me back to these ladies acting
like monsters (or middle schoolers). And I kind of blame Bravo: If producers
weren’t forcing these women to interact, they would not have to subject
themselves to people they so obviously can’t stand.
Dwight senses the tension and mystifyingly (but
successfully) gets them to be his fly girls as he belts out a wobbly, out-of-tune
“Summertime.” At a King Tut exhibit. There are no other words, so I’ll move
along. Later, the exhibit’s docent points to an Egyptian statue
and says, “If you were high status, you wore wigs.” “Amen,” Kim says.
NeNe and Dwight end at Staceage, a fantastically futuristic
fabric store in West Midtown. They’re both hating on Kandi and A.J., Kandi’s
“fee-uhn-say.” NeNe calls Kandi “a little bit ghetto” and “a little bit hood”
for reasons she doesn’t clarify. NeNe has
said that she doesn’t feel like Kandi “respected” their status as season one
Housewives, though no one has seen any evidence of that so far. Oh yeah, and
Dwight was wearing a green velvet suit. That is all.
Lisa is shown talking to her brother, Andre, about taking
NeNe to Los Angeles to meet the rest of the Wu clan. They talk about their late
brother Miho and how difficult it will be to visit his grave. And that’s where
we’ll pick up next week!
ROTTEN –> RIPE
Sheree and Lisa: You two didn’t
get a lot of play this week, and what screen time you did get did you no
favors. Whispering and giggling behind Kandi’s and Kim’s backs? I was only
surprised you didn’t start a rumor about them in the girls’ bathroom between
first and second periods.
NeNe: You say that Kandi’s “hood”
and “ghetto” like that’s a bad thing, but all through your book
you’re touting like nobody’s business, Never Make the Same Mistake Twice, you proudly talk about how YOU’RE hood and ghetto. Maybe I
misread you and you meant the Kandi comments as compliments? Probably not.
Apparently when the attention is being spread to someone else, fun-loving NeNe
goes out the door.
Kim: Wooo! Wooooo!!!!!! Congrats!
You’re officially not the most rotten Housewife for the first time this season.
Even if I did have to look at that shot of you in the buff. You had some sweet,
endearing moments with your kids and you made an honest effort to befriend
Kandi and not make a fuss with the other women at King Tut (not that you even
knew who that was; “Who the hell is King Tut,” you said. But your dog is
super-cute. That helps.
Kandi: You win again, for not
pre-judging Kim, no matter how much she might deserve it. Only problem now:
You’re stuck with her. It’s sort of like that children’s book, If You Give a
Mouse a Cookie. You have given Kim her
cookie (attention/kindness), and as we see in the preview of next week’s episode, she’s about to
come back and ask for a glass of milk (help in the music studio) to go with it.
Other pretty peaches:
Dwight: Simply for that unabashed
“Summertime” and that fabulous bottle green velvet suit. I think you would make
a great extra in the next Harry Potter movie.
King Tut: I was worried that after
withstanding thousands of years that the Housewives would be the end of you,
but you made it! Congrats.
Chanel, Kim’s dog: You belong on
cuteoverload.com. Can I pet sit, Kim? I promise not to run out to get tampons!
Joyce, Kandi’s mom: Get over it!
Kim’s hairstylist: Nothing against
you personally, I just can’t imagine working with Kim’s hair is a pleasure;
prayers are coming your way.
What do you think? Do you agree with my
assessments? Who was your favorite (or least favorite) from last night? Catch up on all of our Real Housewives coverage here,
and enjoy this preview of next week’s episode: