Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, part one PLUS My ode to Kim

360

Well, I bit the bullet and decided to dress up as someone a lot of people will probably dress up as this year: Kim Zolciak. It’s a fitting end-cap to this season and our controversial September cover story.

You can see a picture from our office Halloween party at right (including executive editor Betsy Riley as a Paulie Girl, an homage to another September story, Candice Dyer’s Greetings From Helen). Let me tell you, it takes a lot of work to look this _____ (insert adjective here). The worst part: I now know what NeNe was talking about when she said Kim’s wig must be squeezing her brain. This thing is tight! Of course, I didn’t spend $430 on it, either.

Another end-cap: Last night was the first of a two-part Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion special, filmed at Midtown’s Opera. Bravo’s senior VP of programming, Andy Cohen, was on hand as usual to play devil’s advocate–and that he did. In fact, several times various Housewives seemed pretty put-out with his line of questioning, especially when he was grilling Kim about Big Poppa.

First things first: NeNe has a new hairstyle, a little shorter on the back and one of the sides; pretty cute. But Sheree is on the hot seat. Who is “Pookie and dem”? Cohen asks. Sheree says it’s a figure of speech–a brother or a cousin that would come help “deal with someone” if you called them. But the bigger question comes from a piece from the Daily Beast that calls Sheree a lesbian. Is she? “I like men,” she says firmly.

Kim’s turn. Cohen gives her a shirt made for her by bravotv.com viewers that says, “I’m a conversation piece.” Kim then tells us that she’s had her breasts augmented twice (no surprise there), says we’ll see her “real hair” soon, and when asked how many glasses of wine she drinks a day, she gets snotty and says, “As many as I want,” with a sneer on her face. Then she tells what has to be the BIGGEST LIE of the night: that she’s a 34D. I’M a 34D, and let me tell you, my decolletage cowers in the shadow of hers. (Today it’s aided by balloons to even get anywhere close!)

Kandi is doing well, considering, and is trying to stay busy working on her record. She doesn’t want to be pitied. She reveals she and AJ broke up back in June, the week of Father’s Day, but remained close until this death. Apparently after AJ and Joyce’s Mother’s Day reconciliation, their relationship went back downhill, and AJ couldn’t take it any more. She also says that she’s not sure what the cause of death was–when she saw AJ’s body, it didn’t have any scratches or bruises on it.

Lisa still isn’t pregnant, though she and Ed are “having fun trying.” Then a conversation ensues about having sex every day, and is that too much. Kim says “it’s perfect,” while NeNe says, “I’m glad it’s not me!”

NeNe still hasn’t gotten her probably-father to do a paternity test, and what is this? She and Kim have “buried the hatchet,” a few months ago. Here Kim gets snotty with Andy again, when Andy brings up the Atlantic Station slap/chokefest: “Move on to something else,” she demands. “We’ve moved past it.”

“Am I alone in not buying this?” Andy asks. Kim seems put out to even have to be there. That feeling gets stronger when Andy goes down the Big Poppa path. “I was really naive” Kim says, and mentions that her engagement ring was eight karats. She’s dating other people now, but oh ho! When we cut back from a commercial break, Andy informs us that during said break, Kim and Big Poppa were in a “lip lock”! Kim brushes it off, then says she’s supporting herself partly from money she made waiting tables at BAHAMA BREEZE. Andy’s like, riiiiiiiight. Kim then puts her foot down: “Get the hell off Big Poppa.”

That’s all for this week, Househeads–next Thursday is the final final final episode of this season, the second half of the reunion show, and here’s hoping for a few more fireworks. Until then, you can catch up on all our Real Housewives coverage, read our September cover story on the Housewives, and see a preview of next week here:

Advertisement