“The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Episode 416 “Peaches & Screams” recap
As our weekly inspiration to consume vast quantities of tequila on a Sunday night opens, Peter Thomas is on the phone, redefining the phrase “black tie affair” for his upcoming one-year anniversary party with wife Cynthia Bailey. “No one’s getting in with jeans on,” Peter instructs. When Cyn strides in and asks how Peter is adhering to the pre-arranged party budget of $10,000, he replies, “We’re a little over, like 20 percent. I might have to borrow a thousand or so from you. I don’t want to argue. I just want to do something fabulous. In order to please the type of people we roll with, we have to do things a certain way.” Yes, the type of people who apparently need to be told that wearing Levi Strauss stitched on your ass is not considered formal attire.
On the way to the soiree, professional pot stirrer Sheree Whitfield discloses to her hairstylist/songstress Lawrence that RHOA wannabe Marlo Hampton dropped the homophobic f-bomb while in South Africa. With Sheree in tow, Lawrence immediately snatches Miss Marlo up by her weave and drags her into a quiet corner for an explanation.
Marlo proceeds to do what any rational, intelligent individual would do, knowing that a small army of TV cameras and boom mikes recorded every syllable of your South African excursion for a national TV audience. She lies.
“I would not dare say that,” Marlo exclaims, looking slightly wounded by the accusation. Trotting out a cultural update of the old “some of my best friends are black” routine, Marlo tells Lawrence: “I have a best friend and another close friend who are gay!” Advises Marlo: “You can’t go by everything you hear these days, Lawrence.” Especially when it comes out of my mouth and is beamed into 2.8 million homes nationwide.
Sheree stands slack-jawed. “Everybody in the room heard it! Who does she think she’s fooling?” Sheree decides to drop an f-bomb of her own. “Shut the [expletive] up, please!”
Cyn’s mama Barbara and sister Malorie (the wacky duo who memorably attempted to lose Cyn and Peter’s marriage certificate at last season’s Fernbank ceremony) arrive at the anniversary party with their unconditional love and support on full display. As Cynthia gets ready, her family offers the following series of well wishes. Barbara: “I never thought you would make it a year.” Malorie: “Honestly, we’re shocked.” Barbara: “Is he bipolar?”
As luck would have it, Malorie is one of Peter’s favorite people too and is recognized thusly in his touching remarks to his blushing bride: “I’d like to make a toast to friends, family and Malorie.” “Asshole!” mumbles Malorie as she stomps off. Luckily, Malorie doesn’t exit quietly. She feels a need to wag a finger in her sister’s face first. Cyn has had enough, especially in front of this esteemed, no-jeans-wearing black tie crowd. “You’re my sister, not my keeper,” Cyn says, getting all biblical and stuff. “This is my life. Live your life. Stop being disrespectful.”
Malorie decides to give Cyn one last close-up of her cuticle. “Get your finger out of my face,” Cyn hisses. You’re making a spectacle!” Tears are shed and much Cuervo Silver is knocked back as Malorie runs out. Technically, Malorie shed the tears. We knocked back the Cuervo Silver.
Coming Next Week: Atlanta attorney Randy Kessler returns as NeNe’s final divorce papers are readied and Phaedra C. Parks goes all out for Ayden’s first birthday with a lavish, over the top cake. One for every month the kid has been alive.
