Ted Turner’s Twitter-length acceptance speech was still too long

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At Oglethorpe University’s May 12 graduation ceremony, Ted Turner received an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree. Below is his acceptance speech in its entirety:

“This is the 46th one I’ve received, but this is the first time it’s rained.”

Oglethorpe President Lawrence Schall reportedly called Turner’s 15-worder the shortest speech “ever given.” I think it was way too long. “Why am I here? I want to go home,” conveys the same meaning with 40 percent fewer words.

UPDATE: Oglethorpe President Lawrence Schall left a comment below clarifying what happened. He says he asked Turner to shorten his planned speech because it was raining. A speech I mocked as impolite and disinterested was actually Turner being polite and accomodating. I apologize to Ted Turner and readers for getting that wrong.

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