Ted Turner’s Twitter-length acceptance speech was still too long


At Oglethorpe University’s May 12 graduation ceremony, Ted Turner received an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree. Below is his acceptance speech in its entirety:

“This is the 46th one I’ve received, but this is the first time it’s rained.”

Oglethorpe President Lawrence Schall reportedly called Turner’s 15-worder the shortest speech “ever given.” I think it was way too long. “Why am I here? I want to go home,” conveys the same meaning with 40 percent fewer words.

UPDATE: Oglethorpe President Lawrence Schall left a comment below clarifying what happened. He says he asked Turner to shorten his planned speech because it was raining. A speech I mocked as impolite and disinterested was actually Turner being polite and accomodating. I apologize to Ted Turner and readers for getting that wrong.