The Walking Dead Awards: “Every day above ground is a win”

Season 5, Episode 3: Tainted meat
Photograph by Gene Page/AMC

Each week, we comb through the guts of The Walking Dead, much like a horde of hungry walkers, to bring you the episode’s best moments, surprises, and other post-apocalyptic curiosities. This week: Remember to always fully cook your meat, lock your doors at night, and keep your promises.

Season 5, Episode 3: “Four Walls and a Roof”

Best revenge: Bob got the last laugh, literally, when he revealed to Team Terminus that he was “tainted meat.” Much like the month-old chicken salad in the fridge, you don’t want to eat that.

Most likely to fail a health inspection: The Terminus crew didn’t even check Bob for bites before making Bob’s Burgers. Plus, they probably stored his leg uncovered above some veggies, didn’t wash their hands, and there were fruit flies everywhere.

Worst priest: Father Gabriel Stokes didn’t let members of his congregation into the church when the zombie apocalypse began–in fact, he locked the doors faster than you can say ad majorem Dei gloriam. He never really even offered a prayer for the group. I’m sure it’s hard to keep the faith when the dead are rising, but come on! At least he didn’t give the group up to Gareth.

Image burned into our TV screen: Did anyone else think their DVR accidentally paused during that uncomfortably long shot of the church sign?

Best at parties: It’s hard to remember the names of everyone you meet at social events, so bring Gareth! He’ll remember them all. Just don’t try any hors d’oeuvres he offers you.

Plot device we didn’t want back: Splitting up the group. Again. Although we’re on board if it means less of Abraham’s Washington whining.

Best reunion: Michonne and her katana. Seriously, this was better than Caryl.

Best kill: Rick did the world a favor by offing psychopathic Gareth, but at what cost? Rick certainly shed a bit of his humanity when he kept his promise to violently end him, and we lost the chance to keep exploring this villain’s ice-cold mind games. C’est la undead-vie.

Best dialogue:

Gabriel: “This is the Lord’s house.”
Maggie: “No, it’s just four walls and a roof.”

Most disturbing image: Where–where’s Carol?

Episode MVP: Bob, for not going down without a fight and smiling until the end.

And once again, where exactly does Rick fall this week on the calm/crazy scale?

Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy AMC
Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy AMC


On next week’s episode: Where is Beth? Never mind, she’s at Grady Memorial Hospital. Probably took the streetcar . . . oh wait . . .

Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy Google, AMC
Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy Google, AMC