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Of all the ways a server can make a guest feel insecure, the one that irritates me the most is “Have you dined with us before?” And why restaurants with their own grocery stores are particularly dear to me.
One of my recurring fantasies involves opening a school for waitstaff. I show up for work wearing tall boots and fishnet stockings, and I have a whip in my right hand. “Achtung, darlings,” I say, getting ready to lay down the law once and for all. “First, don’t ever fiddle with your hair, and keep those fingernails short!”