The Walking Dead Awards: You’re getting home

Season 6, Episode 3: No thanks
The Walking Dead
Photograph by Gene Page/AMC

(Spoilers ahead)

Each week, we comb through the guts of The Walking Dead, much like a horde of hungry walkers, to bring you the episode’s best moments, surprises, and other post-apocalyptic curiosities. This week: Remedial Survivor Skills, Grief Counseling 102, and Advanced RV Repair.

Season 6, Episode 3: “Thank You”

The Walking DeadHello, is it me you’re looking for? Nicholas apparently decided this was the week to take hairstyle inspiration from Lionel Richie.

Worst human rights violation: Clearly there is no freedom of speech in the Ricktatorship because as soon as you question his leadership, a ninja zombie will suddenly spawn and bite you. Should one not be available, Michonne will be happy to put you in your place.

Most likely to be picked last: Watching TWD can sometimes feel like watching a preschool soccer match, in that everyone is basically inept. Tell the folks from Alexandria not to pull out their guns, and they’ll shoot a fellow human. Stab a walker in the head, and they’ll get bitten in the back. Try to flee back to town, and they’ll sprain their ankles. What do they put in the water?

Biggest sob story: David’s tale of meeting his wife of past three months, who brought hope and joy to his meaningless life, was straight out of a post-apocalyptic Nicholas Sparks book. David’s gruesome end, however, was straight out of TWD.

Not fooling anyone: Seeing the Alexandria billboard made Daryl abandon his mission and race back to help save the Safe-Zone. He seems to really care about this place. Maybe it’s the . . . nope, it’s because of Carol.

The Walking DeadWeirdest doppleganger: Anyone else notice the walker that looked a lot like Daryl? Surely this is just the crew poking fun at us and not some horrible foreshadowing.

Saddest set dressing: Right before the apocalypse, that pet store had terrier puppies for sale! Wait . . . uh-oh . . . oh no. . .

Best in show: That big ball of fluff on the pet store poster was the majestically goofy Bernese Mountain Dog. And like a good dog, he led you to his stash of bones.

Most uncertain death: We were stunned silent when Nicholas pulled out a gun, thanked Glenn, and killed himself. Then our jaws hit the floor when his body fell onto Glenn, knocked them both into the horde, and turned our hero into a tasty snack for the walkers . . . or did he? Look at the scene again. We’re not doctors, but we don’t think you can pull intestines out of someone’s upper chest. Plus, both Glenn and Nicholas were wearing similar clothes. There’s no guarantee that was Glenn’s shirt being ripped apart. Also, Steven Yeun was not on the evening’s Talking Dead, a tradition for killed-off major characters, nor was Glenn in the show’s “In Memoriam” section. Still not convinced? How about a paparazzi photo showing an alive Glenn with a yet-to-be-introduced character?

Most certainly dead: The Virginia walkers are looking really, really gnarly. They’re grayer, more skeletal (did you see the one who was pretty much just a ribcage?), and more decrepit than ever before. Soon this show will just be The Walking Bones.

Worst friends: Multiple people were eaten alive by walkers. Only one was mercy killed. That’s ice cold.

Was it a good day? No. Rick had to use his AK.

Best exchange:
Rick said what he said because sometimes you don’t have a choice.
Heath: That is not how we do it.
Michonne: Because you’ve never had to do it any other way. You haven’t been through it. Not really. Not like Rick. Rick was out there. I was out there. We know. You don’t. But if you don’t learn, you will die. We will.
Heath: I’ve been doing runs from the start, okay? I know what it’s like . . .
Michonne: Have you had to kill people because they’d already killed your friends and were coming for you next? Have you ever done things that made you feel afraid of yourself afterward? Have you ever been covered in so much blood that you didn’t know if it was yours or walkers’ or your friends’? Huh? Then you don’t know.

Best/worst kill: Nicholas, who not only killed the show’s most useless character (himself), but also possibly Glenn and, with that, our spirits.

Most disturbing image: Glenn’s (or Nicholas’s) intestines being ripped out and feasted upon by walkers. I know we’re still on the fence about Glenn’s death, but come on, we can’t watch that scene and not be outraged that one of our favorite characters is meeting his end so unceremoniously. If this is his actual death, then it didn’t come about while he was trying to save someone. It wasn’t heroic. It was just collateral damage from one screw-up.

Episode MVP: Michonne, for her no-nonsense approach to staying alive. Her speech to Heath (see above) was as real as it gets, and while we still don’t know how she, Scott, and Heath survived the walker attack on the pet store, we assume there were a lot of headless corpses left in her wake.

And once again, where exactly does Rick fall this week on the calm/crazy scale?

The Walking Dead
Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photos courtesy of AMC