The Walking Dead Awards: You can trust me

Season 5, Episode 11: Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about not getting eaten by the dead?
Photograph by Gene Page/AMC

(Spoilers ahead)

Each week, we comb through the guts of The Walking Dead, much like a horde of hungry walkers, to bring you the episode’s best moments, surprises, and other post-apocalyptic curiosities. This week: Glenn loses his license, Rick searches for a “no solicitors” sign, and Tara does nothing. Nothing at all.

Season 5, Episode 11: “The Distance”

Most in need of a shave: Rick Grimes’ beard is rapidly growing out of control. We know there’s going to be a powerful shaving scene coming up thanks to Andrew Lincoln, but if it doesn’t happen next week, Rick will have to start making duck calls and doing Zaxby’s commercials.

Worst sales pitch: Aaron won’t receive any double diamond pins this year for bringing new people to Alexandria. Here are a few sales pitches to try for next time: “Are you satisfied with your current survival provider?” “Hi, I’m trying to get people to come to my camp so we can build a new civilization.” And, “Hey, we still have Girl Scout cookies.”

Best new term for the undead: Roamers.

Best art project: Aaron’s collection of license plates. We hope one day he does get all 50 states for his wall. Good luck snagging Hawaii . . . no, wait, Idaho. We’ve actually seen Hawaii plates in town before.

Happiest deceased character: As soon as we saw that RV, we knew that somewhere up there Dale was smiling. But nothing made him more proud than Glenn’s post-apocalyptic-associates’-degree level of knowledge in RV repair and maintenance.

Most closure: We’re really glad Abraham finally gazed upon the wonderful world of Washington, D.C., even if now it’s useless for finding a cure. And speaking of Abe, last week we pointed out that he is probably infected. That low voltage indicator on dash and his reaction gave us chills. We don’t think he’s out of the woods yet.

Best kill: The Murder Car. Glenn made the quick decision between plowing through a horde of walkers and being rear-ended by the group’s RV. The results produced enough Greg Nicotero-approved bloodshed to even make George R.R. Martin cry, “Stop, stop, he’s already dead!”

Best line: “Whatever it takes to get there. Just as long as we get there.” ­—Michonne

Most disturbing image: Force-feeding a kid to eat certain foods to become “manly” seems like a common childhood offense, but when you realize that Aaron is gay, it really hits home.

Episode MVP: Rick, for taking a chance on the Alexandria Safe-Zone. This whole episode really spoke about how Rick needed to keep the faith and showed us just how much hope he’s lost in the wake of Woodbury, Terminus, and the road. The group took on the herculean effort of convincing Rick, stepping into the long-abandoned shoes of Hershel and Dale before him to do so, but in the end, Rick made the right choice.

And once again, where exactly does Rick fall this week on the calm/crazy scale?