RHOA bonus recap: NeNe watches Cyn shop at Eclectic Girl, Kandi self-pleasures at Tap

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 407: “Law by Sheree” recap:

 As this week’s bonus episode of the television equivalent of a Georgia 400 16-car pile up opens, viewers learn details about about Sheree Whitfield’s sketchy ex Bob Whitfield’s surprise legal maneuver in Sunday’s episode. He’s filed a petition to modify his child support agreement, claiming his income dropped from $20,000 a month to $3,000. Or as Sheree shrieks at her attorney Phaedra Parks, “He wants to modify a child support agreement he’s never made!” Sheree fears Bob’s celebrity status as a former Atlanta Falcon will hamper her efforts in court. Phaedra assures her she’ll get her money.

 Cynthia Bailey and NeNe Leakes, meanwhile, are gossiping as they peruse the racks at Eclectic Girl Boutique, a vintage clothing shop in East Atlanta Village. OK, technically, it’s Cyn who is rummaging the racks. NeNe has different ideas. “Vintage clothes are clothes that people have had on their body before. I don’t wear clothes other people have worn.” Frankly, we’re puzzled as to why Kim and NeNe aren’t closer. Given her stance on previously worn frocks, NeNe likely shares Kim’s phobia of “used houses” as well.

 Speaking of Kim Zolciak and her Atlanta Falcon boy toy/baby daddy Kroy Biermann, they’re bringing little KJ home from the hospital. The welcoming committee includes Brielle, Kim’s uber spoiled 14-year-old daughter and Chanel, her equally indulged toy dog, who are currently engaged in a pissing contest over who’s more put out by the new addition to the household. In Chanel’s case, we mean this literally. The pampered pooch is squatting and relieving herself, dropping one’s and two’s all over the house.

 As usual, Sheree has her priorities in order, driving a brand-new Porsche to Phaedra’s house where she exits the vehicle with a $16,000 Hermes bag and an armload of wardrobe options for court. “I don’t know if I should do a cute Chanel suit or Valentino or Dolce & Gabbana,” she muses aloud. Phaedra promptly steers the She by Sheree fashion line creator toward a two-piece from the Jaclyn Smith Collection by Kmart. Phaedra’s professional legal advice for child-support check public pleadings? “Don’t pull up in a car that costs more than the judge makes in a year,” she advises. Complicating things further, Phaedra’s staff has to chase Sheree all over the city in order to secure their boss’ $5,000 retainer prior to court.

 Over at Tap gastropub in Midtown, aspiring adult toy manufacturer Kandi Burruss is lunching with OhMiBod co-owner Suki to go over some self-pleasuring samples. Kandi is immediately taken with a cylindrical purple object you hook up to your iPod and program to vibrate to the beats of your choosing. Inexplicably, they opt to, um, road test the object across their table. Diners stare. We can only surmise some of the Tap regulars are worried that the eatery’s popular Sticky Toffee Puddin’ has suddenly been supplanted on the menu. Kandi’s favorite? A vibrating two-pronged torture device she nicknames Happiness & Joy.

 Inside Fulton County Judge Bensonetta Tipton Lane’s courtroom, Bob Whitfield, “looking a hot mess,” according to Phaedra, has chosen to represent himself. Touting her ex’s chosen institution of higher learning, Sheree explains, “He’s qualified. Bob went to Stanford. He can read.” Apparently, he’s also learned how to file a contempt motion with Judge Lane, an artfully initiated stall tactic that immediately derails the child support hearing. As they exit court, Bob Whitfield, a grown ass man, actually sticks his tongue out at his ex and her attorney in front of the RHOA cameras. “It’s a process,” Phaedra reassures Sheree. “We will get your money.” A new court date is set for Sept. 1.

 The pair meet Kandi at Wahoo! in Decatur to decompress. Kandi reveals that, she too, has had to go to court in order to secure child support for her daughter Riley. Tears are shed into the restaurant’s napkins. “Getting child support in Atlanta is hard because the system is rigged against women,” says Kandi. Blessedly, the cameras cut away before Kandi can bring a little Happiness & Joy to the table.

 Coming Sunday: Christmas arrives early for RHOA viewers with a  “Super-sized” brand-new episode. Or, as we here at HHO HQ are referring to it, an occasion to consume red wine from a vase.

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