RHOA Recap: Kim becomes a pistol-packin’ mama, NeNe seeks an AbFab nightclub

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 410: “We Come in Peace (And Packing Heat)” recap:

Editor’s note: On Monday, we chose to observe the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. holiday with our own public service project. Not recapping RHOA.

 With the NFL lockout still in place, Kim Zolciak and her Atlanta Falcon boy toy/baby daddy Kroy Biermann opt to while away the hours at Sharp Shooters USA in Roswell. In an effort to redefine family fun, baby K.J. is with them.  As they arrive with tot in tow, the sole female employee at Sharp Shooters USA is silently paraphrasing Reese Witherspoon’s dialogue from “Sweet Home Alabama” (“Look at you. You have a baby. In a firing range.”). Kim instantly makes Swiss cheese out of her paper target using a variety of lethal weapons (“She’s a great shot, a real pistol-packin’ mama,” praises her instructor). Kim is hesitant about actually owning a firearm, however, until she spots a nine millimeter with a bubble gum-hued handle. “Oh, this is adorable,” she tells Kroy. “I’m excited!”

 Blissfully unaware of Kim’s new hobby, Phaedra Parks, hubby Apollo, Cynthia Bailey and spouse Peter agree to a double date at Café Circa on Edgewood Avenue. This is the first time Peter and Apollo have broken bread together since they threatened to break each other’s faces at Kim’s baby shower. Somehow keeping his pent-up rage against all humanity effectively tamped down during the salad course, Peter politely asks Apollo his vocation. Apollo replies, “I deal in recovery and dormant accounts. Business is really booming right now.” We’ll allow Cynthia to translate: “Doesn’t that make him a repo man?”

 NeNe Leakes and her “Celebrity Apprentice”-arranged business partner John Something Or Other convene at Norris Design Studio at the perimeter to discuss plans for their prospective joint nightclub concept. So, what exactly is NeNe looking for design-wise, the team inquires? As usual, NeNe is painstakingly specific: “I’m looking for a lounge that is absolutely fabulous!” In other words, she wants a nightspot filled with ironic drunk British sitcom stars of the 1990s.

 After their African dance class, Kandi Burruss fires up the Blackberry to show Phaedra RHOA wannabe Marlo Hampton’s colorful array of mugshots currently circulating on the blogs. Apparently, Phaedra’s phone has a GPS. After making her maiden journey to the high road, Phaedra tells Kandi, “I can’t judge. My husband has had trysts with the law.” Incidentally, Merriam Webster defines “tryst” thusly: “A private, romantic rendezvous between lovers.” Thankfully, at this point we notice our tumbler of rubbing alcohol is running low and we fetch a re-fill, trying not to ponder what Phaedra was hinting about Apollo’s stint in stir.

 Our episode careens toward its conclusion in the private dining room of the now-shuttered Straits in Midtown. Kandi has gathered all the girls together, along with her peace-making mama Joyce. Phaedra announces her idea (or rather the RHOA producers’ idea, seeking a satisfying conclusion to Season Four) for a cast trip to South Africa. NeNe, needless to say, is not enthused (I’m not interested”). In an effort to reconcile, NeNe and Kim, Joyce forces the two grown ass women to actually say hello to each other. After awkward sips of wine, two commercial breaks and a promo for some show about an overly caffeinated caterer, the two reluctantly comply. Mama Joyce makes one more attempt to unify the battling divas. “We are all strong African-American women!” she states triumphantly. Corrects Kandi: “Mama, Kim isn’t black.” With everyone’s actual race now determined, the dinner party breaks up. NeNe neatly summarizes the evening for viewers — “I love me some Mama Joyce but she was out of control tonight. I think she drank some wine by accident.”

 Coming Next Week: Shocker! NeNe rolls up as the rest of the ladies depart Hartsfield Jackson International for South Africa with some surprise carry-on baggage: “Mugshot” Marlo Hampton.

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