The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 411: “Shaping Up and Shipping Out” recap:
As this week’s clinicial study into migraine triggers opens, NeNe Leakes is visiting her budding bestie Marlo Hampton’s luxury brownstone. Apparently, the ex-con’s exposure to the criminal element while in jail made a lasting impression. Marlo has more security cameras than the High Museum of Art. This may be to protect her Imelda Marcos homage of designer shoes and handbags inside a lavish walk-in closet. Needless to say, NeNe is impressed. “I’m a shoe girl, Marlo’s a shoe girl,” she explains. “I’m 5’10”, Marlo’s 5’10”. When I walk into a room, I own it. When Marlo walks into a room, she almost own it. So, you know, we’re a great pair.”
As a gesture of good will, NeNe invites Marlo along on the planned South African trip. Marlo graciously accepts. “I’ll get my travel agent on it.” Let’s hope Marlo also has a walk-in closet dedicated to time machines so she can go back to 1983 to find a travel agent.
Over at Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann’s love nest, the wig-wearing warbler is taking full advantage of the lingering NFL lockout: “I’m so spoiled. I get to be with my man all day and all night. This lockout has been great!” Kim is less thrilled with the eight pounds of baby weight she’s still trying to shed. In a potential bid to become the Rose Nyland of RHOA franchise, the blond football-playing Montana native has this exercise tip to share with Kim: “When I was growing up, my wrestling coach’s wife would get up every morning at 5 o’clock and run stair laps with us.” As usual, Kim is open to helpful suggestions: “So, what the [expletive] are you saying?” In voiceover, she adds, “Kroy thinks exercise is the only way to lose weight. I beg to differ. And I have the receipts to prove it.”
Alas, the NFL lockout inevitably ends and Kroy has just 24 hours to report to Falcons training camp in Flowery Branch (where Mrs. Mike Smith might be awaiting him on the back stairs). On their last night together, the new parents do some margarita swilling at Tarahumata Tequila Bar in Roswell. Kim’s assistant Sweetie and Kim’s parents, meanwhile, have been charged with sprinkling $400 worth of rose petals, run a bubble bath for two and place enough tea light candles across the house floor to light the way of an incoming flight from Boulder.
As the ladies pack for the three-episode fourth season finale (we may well be huffing spray paint before this season is over. . .), varying expectations emerge. “I’m looking forward to really embracing Africa,” explains Cynthia Bailey. “I want to see African clothing, I want to eat African food and I want to do African dances. I really want my time in Africa to be Africa.” Phaedra Parks, the trip’s organizer, has other priorities: “Maybe someone will kidnap NeNe is the brush and we’ll never see her again.”
Naturally, the girls are not amused when NeNe rolls up to the airport with her new BFF Marlo in tow. Inquires She by Sheree Whitfield: “This girl has seven mugshots. Is she even allowed to leave the country?” Legal eagle Phaedra’s take? “I don’t hang out with women with rap sheets. The only person with a rap sheet I hang out with is my husband.”
Coming Next Week: The NeNe/Marlo alliance is short-lived when NeNe, wearing gold hoop earrings the size of Saturn, goes all Mount Kilimanjaro on the RHOA wannabe in the motherland, apparently setting off a giraffe stampede.