“The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Episode 308: “Is There a Doctor in the House?” recap
As our weekly exercise in brain oxygen deprivation opens, NeNe is brainstorming with the 11 Alive News staff. Like most budding TV journalists, NeNe is focused on the important stuff.
“Do I get an office?” she asks 11 Alive VP of News Ellen Crooke. When told as an ratings stunting independent contractor she’ll only rate a cubicle, NeNe tells Crooke: “I wanna see your office. I bet it’s fabulous.”
Personally, we give NeNe a week at 11 Alive before she’s caught rolling around on the floor in the break room in a top diva-defining hair-pulling contest with Brenda Wood.
Meanwhile, preggers Phaedra and hubby Apollo are inducing labor (and apparently hourly coats of lip gloss and false eyelash applications) at MCG Medical Center in Augusta with the attorney’s god-fearing mama looking on. Behold the power of a reality show contractual agreement. Kandi just happens to be in the neighborhood (a 150-mile, three-hour car ride from Atlanta away) and pops in for a visit.
Still, the visit provides Kandi with some valuable scoop. While she’s there, Phaedra’s doctor spills that she’s full term at 40 weeks. It’s now clear to all that Phaedra’s future therapy candidate was already baking in the oven when she and her jailbird boy toy strolled down the aisle in 2009.
Naturally, when Kandi reveals this intel to the ladies at Sheree’s spades card party, it goes down as easy as the case of Riesling guest star Lisa Wu Hartwell seems to be inhaling.
Says Sheree: “Who was she fooling? I’ve had three kids. I know what nine months pregnant looks like.”
Alas, Sheree is apparently less familiar with men and Google. It takes NeNe roughly 13 seconds to clock Sheree’s Holiday Inn-favoring man “Dr.” Tiy-E Muhammad as the same Atlanta “Love Doctor” who found himself separated from his teaching position at Clark Atlanta University and the subject of a scandal earlier this decade after fudging his psychologist status.
Leave it to Kandi’s no nonsense mother Joyce to ask the obvious of Sheree’s sweating suitor: “Did you get your degree at a school or online?” As it turns out, online. Oops.
Says Sheree: “I feel bamboozled. I feel violated.”
While it’s safe to assume The Love Doctor isn’t going to be practicing his craft post-spades party, the ladies now know what they can buy Sheree for Christmas: A search engine and a clue.
Back in Augusta, after pulling a labor all-nighter, Phaedra finally realizes that babies don’t climb out of your vagina and green lights a C-section.
Summarizes Phaedra: “Birth is a momentous occasion. But I wouldn’t say it’s beautiful. There’s blood involved.” Bravo is fully committed to sharing this particular bodily fluid with the audience, too (Things get so graphic, in fact, we momentarily contemplated taking a pause in Hartwelling our jug bottle of Riesling. Almost).
And Phaedra’s tender, loving, maternal first words to her newborn when the doctors proudly pass him to her: “Oh, gross!” But Phaedra, in full make up and a fresh coat of lip gloss, looks fabulous. And after all, that’s what’s important.
Coming next week: Sheree confronts The Love Doctor on his fibbing while dining alfresco, issuing this ultimatum: “You say you’re a doctor. Prove it.” His reply: “Prove that you’re a woman.” Let’s hope Sheree remembered to bring cash for the valet. These two aren’t going back to the Holiday Inn together.