The Walking Dead Awards: I know what you did

One red luftballon
Photograph courtesy of AMC

(Spoilers ahead)

Each week, we comb through the guts of “The Walking Dead,” much like a horde of hungry walkers, to bring you the episode’s best moments, surprises, and other post-apocalyptic curiosities. This week: never leave tuna out, awkward-only sex education, and . . . *punched by Michonne*

Season 5, Episode 15: “Try”

Worst call: Okay, so Pete was beating his wife. Our bad. Unleash the Carol.

Best regime change: Our new favorite term for Rick and Co.’s antics is officially known as the Ricktatorship. And yes, from what we saw last night, he’s just a stone’s throw away from being a despot.

Most wasteful: We’re disappointed Deanna left a perfectly good tuna casserole on her porch to rot. Even more disappointed that we didn’t get to see whether or not Carol filled it with razor blades and arsenic.

Most ignorant of the law: Rick did not Miranda-ize Pete, re-entered Jessie’s house without probable cause, and used unnecessary force against a suspect. Better call Saul!

Best corporal possession by a deceased character: If Rick’s crazy ranting and wild movements seemed familiar, it’s probably because we’ve seen them before. Shane’s plot in season two followed the same pathology, even culminating in a similar outburst when he opened Hershel’s barn to kill the walkers.

Worst hairstyle: Carl must be taking styling tips from Eugene, because those long teenage heartthrob locks are starting to turn into a mullet. Plus, we’re pretty sure he must have a permanent case of hat hair.

Hide and seek champion: Nicholas must have a keen eye for things out of place because that gun he dug up was the very same one Rick planted before entering the Safe-Zone. We’re a little worried as to what he’s going to do with it, and we’re even more worried that he showed competence in gun locating.

Best line: “People like you are supposed to be dead. But these walls went up just in time, so you’re not.” —Glenn to Nicholas

Best kill: Michonne silencing Rick’s long-winded rant with a swift punch to the head.

Most disturbing image: Carl’s awkward fumbling through teenaged romance. If we wanted to relive the “deep” things we said as kids, the close calls with hand holding, and the raging hormones, which for some reason keep walkers from looking inside a nearby tree, we’d go back to high school. You know what, we assume the dead did actually notice Carl and Enid but decided not to bother because they literally can’t even.

Episode MVP: Michonne, for being the only primary character who isn’t either insane in the membrane, blinded by hate, or just never on camera. We’re not sure what’s keeping her from drinking the Ricktatorship Kool-Aid, but we’re glad someone is able to walk the line between Rick’s complete savagery and Alexandria’s squishy ignorance.

And once again, where exactly does Rick fall this week on the calm/crazy scale?

Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy of AMC
Illustration by Matt Walljasper; photographs courtesy of AMC

Uh oh! Both Norman Reedus and Melissa McBride are confirmed to be appearing on “Talking Dead” next week after the season finale . . . uh oh!