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James Burns

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: All boxed up

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 16: “A”

Rick, Michonne, and Carl
are walking toward Terminus.
A close-knit trio.

“Who are we?” asks Carl.
He has existential angst
running from zombies.

Flashbacks to prison
abound in this episode.
We all miss Hershel.

Hershel gave wisdom,
tips on farming, fatherhood;
urged Rick to nurture.

But now, Rick is caught
by Daryl’s loathsome new pals.
Things really look bleak.

“This man killed our friend!”
Joe wants to execute Rick.
But Daryl steps up.

Rick goes all zombie.
Bites Joe in the jugular.
Most gruesome kill yet.

Bad bikers all dead.
Daryl back with the others.
Things are looking up.

Rick tells his best bro,
“You being back with us here.
Now. That’s everything.”

Michonne bonds with Carl,
talks about her zombie “pets.”
Tells him to trust Rick.

Too good to be true?
Terminus greets: open arms
—and a weapons check.

Rick gets suspicious.
That guy has Hershel’s old watch!
Now things get real tense.

(One final flashback:
Carl prefers guns to Legos;
Rick wants him to farm.)

They dodge some bullets,
dash through candlelit warehouse,
like Sting video.

Terminus shoot out.
Out-gunned and out-maneuvered,
Our heroes captured.

Put in a boxcar.
Look! Their friends are inside, too.
All here. (Except Beth?)

Rick is unbroken.
“They’re screwing with wrong people.”
Season-ending vow.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Tunnel of Love?

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 15: “Us”

Everyone’s walking
along Georgia railway lines.
Getting anywhere?

First: There’s Glenn, Tara,
Sarge, Rosita, and Eugene.
Slowly making friends.

Doc. Eugene Porter
Won’t shut up. How annoying.
A bothersome nerd.

Glenn gets Maggie’s note.
Gallops straight toward Terminus.
Will they reunite?

Carl, Rick, and Michonne
Heading on down the train tracks.
Just joking around.

Carl shares his candy.
Litigious brand protection.
“Big Cat,” not Kit Kat

Daryl and new biker friends,
it’s a redneck jamboree
with some tough camp rules.

These are same bad guys
whose pal Rick killed a while back.
That doesn’t bode well.

Meanwhile, Glenn and gang
find a new Maggie message
at tunnel entrance.

Sarge and pals take off.
Loyal Tara sticks with Glenn,
despite injured leg.

Oooh! Creepy tunnel.
A zombie obstacle course
for Glenn and Tara.

With hail of gunfire
Maggie appears, kills zombies
Big kisses for Glenn.

Thank God they joined up.
Slowly the groups will converge.
None too soon for us.

Sunflowers, folk songs
welcome them to Terminus.
A bit cultish, y’all?

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: ‘Look at the flowers, Lizzie.’

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 14: “The Grove”

Where is everyone?
Tyreese, Carol, and the girls
Get this week’s plot line.

Walking through the woods,
Talking about Tom Sawyer.
Girls miss story time.

Be tough, says Carol.
“Things work out,” insists Mika.
She is pure at heart.

Creepy girl Lizzie
likes to make friends with walkers.
Carol not happy.

Mika shoots zombies;
can’t pull the trigger on deer.
Shrugs, “We have peaches.”

Tyreese heart broken,
dreams of Karen every night.
Awkward for Carol.

Lizzie catches mice,
feeds zombie trapped on train tracks.
Yikes! Here comes a horde.

Those charbroiled zombies
almost get the fleeing girls.
Lizzie saves Mika.

Lizzie is confused.
Distressed by killing walkers.
She mourns the undead.

“Look at the flowers
like you’re supposed to, Lizzie,”
Mika calms her sis.

Lizzie stabs Mika.
Says: “She’ll come back! She’ll come back!”
Blood covers her hands.

Carol shoots Lizzie.
Now both girls are dead, buried.
A true tragedy.

Carol confesses.
“I killed Karen and David.”
Tyreese forgives her.

Carol and Tyreese
Hit the road for Terminus.
Baby Judith lives.

Well, in summary:
The bleakest episode yet.
Dead girls, grim despair.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Yep, Bob is still around.

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 13: “Alone”

Flashback to Bob’s past.
Wow. He really was bummed out;
drinking on the run.

Bob, Sasha, Maggie
fight walkers in the dense fog.
Fierce little trio.

Daryl teaching Beth
the art of tracking zombies.
Saves her from a trap.

Please, oh dear God, please.
Let these story lines converge.
Terminus beckons.

A funeral home
Next stop for Beth and Daryl.
He naps in coffin.

Pigs feet and goodies.
“That’s a white trash brunch right there.”
Daryl likes this place.

Beth has good manners;
leaves thank you note for the food.
Daryl learns from her.

Trapped in the grim morgue,
Daryl fights off zombie horde.
Beth’s taken in car.

Daryl meets bikers.
Joins redneck fraternity?
Seems to suit him fine.

Meanwhile: The B plot.
Maggie, Sasha, weirdo Bob.
Experience stress.

Reality check.
Sasha tells Bob: “Let’s get real.”
Says Glenn’s a lost cause.

Maggie goes solo.
Sasha’s glad to see her leave.
Bob is not so sure.

Maggie leaves a note,
painted in zombie guts, blood.
I will find you, Glenn.

Bob kisses Sasha.
No chemistry between them.
Bob heads off alone.

Maggie and Sasha
Fight off walkers together.
Female warriors.

Blood splattered Maggie
Makes up with gal pal Sasha.
But what about Bob?

Oh, look. Bob again.
The threesome trudges along.
Bound for Terminus?

So after all that,
It’s right back where we started.
(Except Beth’s kidnapped.)

We’d have given up,
Watched True Detective instead.
HBO GO crashed.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Moonshine and moonlight

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 12: “Still”

We skipped the Oscars.
Watched The Walking Dead instead.
Classier zombies.

Tonight’s episode:
The further adventures of
Daryl and Beth Greene.

Car mirror starts fire.
Who knew? Survival lessons
from spunky duo.

Daryl can kill snakes
but can’t handle moody girl.
Beth wants “a damn drink.”

At the country club,
zombies hang from the rafters.
Exclusive club, this.

Inside the pro shop
Beth picks up a cardigan.
Preppy look suits her.

Fore! Daryl wields club.
He slays walkers left and right.
Rough day on the links.

Beth, poor little thing.
No first drink should be peach schnapps.
Daryl steers her right.

Cabin in the woods.
Childhood flashback for Daryl.
“Home, sweet home,” he snarls.

Look! A moonshine still.
“That’s a real first drink there, Beth.”
“Yes Mr. Dixon.”

Beth plays drinking game,
trying to make Daryl talk.
Well, he’s a mean drunk.

Redneck with remorse,
prone to self-loathing when drunk,
Daryl breaks down, cries.

Sittin’ on screen porch,
Daryl and Beth share stories,
some tender moments.

“I was nothing then,”
Daryl says of his past life.
Now, he’s a hero.

Beth assures Daryl,
“You’ll be the last man standing.”
Plot foreshadowing?

Burning down cabin,
Daryl releases demons.
Beth flips it the bird.

This is very sweet.
But can’t the whole gang unite?
Too many B plots.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Crazy Cheese, please

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 11: “Claimed”

Everyone’s scattered.
Multiple story lines now.
Please reunite soon.

Carl, Rick, and Michonne
Hang out in suburbia.
Rick’s weak; needs his rest.

Carl and Michonne hunt.
Foraging for food, supplies.
She found Crazy Cheese!

(You can’t say Cheez Whiz
in a zombie filled wasteland?
What? Lawyers around?)

Michonne clowns around
to lift Carl out of his funk.
Will take more than that.

Carl’s voice is changing,
his teen angst running amok.
Rejects Crazy Cheese.

Carl questions Michonne
as they go from room to room;
learns about her son.

Rick hides under bed
while people walk back and forth.
Don’t seem like nice folks.

Rick makes his escape.
Kills bad guy in the bathroom.
What a way to go.

Our trio heads out,
following the old train tracks.
Bound for Terminus?

Meanwhile in Plot B:
Glenn, Tara, and newcomers
ride in armored truck.

Sarge Abraham Ford
is on a vital mission.
Says, “It’s classified.”

Meet Eugene Porter,
the doctor with a mullet.
Might have zombie cure.

Badass in short shorts
Rosita Espinosa
Abraham’s main squeeze.

While Sarge and Glenn fight
walkers emerge from a field.
Eugene opens fire.

A hail of bullets.
Oops! Hit the gas tank, Eugene.
What now, valiant band?

Glenn heads down the road
looking for his wife, Maggie.
Has his own mission.

Eugene tells the Sarge,
“Trust me, I’m smarter than you.”
They join Tara, Glenn.

Everyone’s walking.
The little groups of heroes,
and walkers, of course.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: What happened to those bunnies?

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but there are a few seventeen-syllable spoilers in this recap.

Season 4, Episode 10: “Inmates”

Diary of Beth Greene:
Tragic narrative device
Will her hope survive?

Daryl and Beth track,
looking for some survivors
stranded in the woods.

Walkin’ and talkin’
Daryl and Beth make their way.
Grim scene; Georgia clay.

Blood, guts, and a shoe.
Evidence of walker spree.
Beth cries; Daryl strides.

Tyreese babysits
Little Mika and Lizzie.
Baby Judith lives!

Big stoic Tyreese
Watching those three little girls
Makes for odd quartet.

Look! Carol came back.
Knew she wouldn’t be gone long.
Creepy girls rejoice.

Lizzie found bunnies.
My god! Did she just stab them?
Budding psychopath.

Terminus awaits,
promises safety for all
But is it a sham?

Maggie finds the bus,
Slaughters walkers one by one.
Glenn not among them.

Glenn’s at the prison.
Oops! Seems like he missed the bus.
Will he fight alone?

Glenn’s all Robocop.
Escapes prison with Tara.
Longs to find Maggie.

Now more folks arrive.
Rednecks on an armored truck.
Villains or heroes?

Now we know who lived
and those who weren’t so lucky
Will they meet up now?

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: 112 ounces of pudding!

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

And yes, they may be a little cryptic, but this recap does contain a few seventeen-syllable spoilers.

Season 4, Episode 9: “After”

The Carl and Michonne
Go walkabout episode.
Where’s everyone else?

Walkers swarm prison
Like mindless, hungry locusts.
Our heroes scatter.

Yikes. Headless Hershel!
Zombified. How cruel. Thank you,
Michonne. Mercy kill.

Father, son bonding
Clearing walkers from roadhouse
Good to the last shot.

New pets for Michonne
Armless, jawless, leashed walkers
She’s back to old ways.

Teenage rebellion.
Carl’s at that moody life stage.
He bitches at Rick.

Michonne flashes back:
Sophisticated banter,
Her lost good old days.

Carl needs a haircut
Is too big for his britches
Has to grow up fast.

Carl kills three walkers.
“I can take care of myself,”
He tells passed out Rick.

A close call for Carl.
A fast zombie got his shoe
But didn’t get him.

Seven pounds of pudding!
A thrifty Sam’s Club shopper
Left surprise for Carl.

Pudding on the roof.
Carl celebrates victory.
Life is looking up.

Michonne lashes out
Slays a big horde of walkers
Can’t kill her own pain.

After adventures
And flights of independence
Carl needs his daddy.

By end of the show
Carl, Michonne, and Rick unite.
Tough little trio.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Season 4, Episode 8: Too Far Gone

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

Season 4, Episode 8: Too Far Gone

Nasty as ever,
Gov. captures Hershel, Michonne.
Cruel hostage taker.

Hiding from his past.
“Governor? Don’t call me that.”
The Gov. tells Hershel.

(The B story is:
Daryl learns about Carol;
not happy at all.)

Rick pleads for treaty.
“We all can change,” he insists.
Not the Governor.

In brutal shocker
Hershel decapitated.
Then all hell breaks loose.

Meghan’s been bitten!
Another zombie daughter
for the Governor?

Nope. Gov. shoots Meghan.
Orders his new followers
to take the prison.

Rick and Governor
fighting mano a mano.
Michonne skewers Gov.

Those little blond girls
Shoot the invaders point blank.
Carol trained them well.

Carl rescues his dad.
He is a son of a gun.
And hell of a shot.

The prison’s aflame.
Fortifications are breached.
What is coming next?

No new shows ’til Feb.
What’s with this mid-season break?
Damn you, AMC.

The Walking Dead Haiku Recap: Season 4, Episode 7: Dead Weight

Editor’s Note: Don’t get us wrong, we are as obsessive as any TWD fans. But let others pontificate at length. In our view, the show’s narrative conflict is so essential—living vs. undead, civility vs. anarchy, prey vs. predator—that it demands to be distilled in the purest form possible. What better serves that purpose than haiku?

Season 4, Episode 7: Dead Weight

At the RV camp
The Governor and the girls
Settle in, make friends.

Martinez in charge?
The Governor’s old sidekick
now calling the shots.

Hey, that guy from Fringe
is in Martinez posse.
Now his name is Mitch.

Tara: “Alicia,
I am not into big guns.”
Lesbian subtext?

Is this the cool camp?
Booze and beer and cigarettes.
But dysfunction lurks.

Golf outing gone bad.
Martinez in zombie pit.
Bad Governor’s back.

Chaos in the camp.
Power struggle, high tension.
There’s no easy out.

To end power play,
Governor kills his rivals
Makes Mitch his new bitch.

What about Rick’s crew?
Enough with this long B plot.
The flashback’s over.

The prison’s in sight.
Governor scopes out old foes.
Ready for showdown.

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